november 17 etc
Friday I shared a thought re: how I wanted to make stuff going forward.
The gist, if you didn't click through, is that I want to make the daily post a bit more writerly/freeform and push the linksy bits to a newsletter thinger that goes out once a week because the thing I always wanted to do was make a living being a guy who makes nice things for the internet and boy howdy I'm just going to fucking do it.
Anyway I thought about that thought, and the reasons behind it, and the reasons behind why I thought it was important to announce the thought and and and all damn weekend because I have never been guilty of underthinking anything. So, yeah, I am as self-obsessed as the next guy (if not more so) but it's because I actually put a lot of effort into doing these posts. I like them and I like people who read blogs (like you!) and moreover I making stuff for people who like stuff because it seems like no one likes stuff anymore.
I put a lot of effort into everything I love to do, actually. I always have. But because I've always loved to do a lot of things and grew up with that perfectionist mindset, there's always been a pain underneath that love.
For a while I thought the cure was loving things less (because I have a broken brain and thought the lesson was that the world desensitizes us over time, like water smoothing a rock over the course of millennia), but over time I realized it was the inverse —— that the cure is loving as many things as possible but doing fewer things with everything I have, and having more everything to give. As Jerry Maguire might say: "fewer clients, less money."
Anyway, the gist behind the gist is that the list of things I do with 100% of my whatever has gotten smaller as I've gotten older (and soberer, and healthier, and mellower, and happier) and that reducing has helped me understand something elementary and fundamental: love takes a lot out of a mf.
The colour wall at the top is all the colours that the Washington Wizards use in their uniforms, by the way. I was looking through hex codes for certain uniform colours the other day and found that one particularly soothing.
🌲 gonna
🌼 go
🌱 to
🌳 sleep
🌷 now
Be good to yourself.
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